In this article I will explain how to overcome approach anxiety. I will cover how I overcame approach anxiety, what it is and how it works, reprogramming your mind, exposure therapy, understanding the process and the numbers game, accepting “rejection”, diet, hydration and more! Now let’s kill approach anxiety and get you more women!
MY STORY WITH APPROACH ANXIETY
I didn’t always have the ability to approach girl’s cold. When I was 15 I was so shy I couldn’t even talk to a girl, you can read about my story here.
Over time I challenged myself and attacked this head on. I pushed myself to approach girls in night clubs, bars and during the day.
It was really tough believe me but over time I overcame approach anxiety to the point where now I can approach a girl I like in almost any situation giving me a chance with her.
Read my story with girl’s article (linked above) as I go into that part of my life.
WHAT IS APPROACH ANXIETY AND HOW DOES IT WORK
In the early human days talking to a girl outside of your social circle could get you killed, or ridiculed.
We humans are driven by obsolete biological wiring that causes us to do things in certain ways.
For example our main motives are survival and replication, so if we were to approach a girl outside of our social circle and that could mean us getting killed by another tribe, you can see how that would threaten our need for survival right?
Now assuming we didn’t get killed for it but we got ridiculed, that could mean being ejected from the tribe or group, which would affect our abilities to survive and replicate.
Fast forward to today and you can see how this wiring is outdated. No one is going to threaten your safety if you hit on a girl unless you do something stupid and hit on a girl who is with a man or someone that looks dangerous.
You will also not be ejected from your city forced to live in isolation on the outskirts if you approach a girl and you get rejected. No one is usually looking at you approach her, if one person is seeing you do you think they care? They are in their own world. If your mates or someone else laughs at you for trying then screw them, be proud that you had the balls to go after what you want in life and they didn’t.
I don’t care how tough you look, act or think you are, 99% of guys can’t cold approach, you could be a 6.5 foot bikie covered in tattoos but your heart with jump into your throat if I told you to approach that 5 foot cutie sitting down at the coffee shop.
We have approach anxiety from our obsolete biological wiring. The good news is we can overcome it.
THE BENEFITS OF OVERCOMING APPROACH ANXIETY
What’s the benefit of having enough balls to approach that girl you like cold? Simple, you have a chance at picking her up. Most guys just think “oh man I would love fuck/date that” but then they watch that girl walk out of their life and that’s the end of that. Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
The benefits of overcoming approach anxiety go far beyond just picking up girls. Overcoming approach anxiety will make you a stronger more confident man in sales, business, relationships and in life.
AFFIRMATIONS AND VISUALISATION
Affirmations and visualisations are very powerful when you practice them daily and consistently.
The brain doesn’t know whether something happened in real life or just in your imagination. So we can use this to our advantage when we are overcoming anxiety.
Write a list of affirmations that will help you overcome approach anxiety; here are some that might help you.
I miss 100% of the shots I don’t take!
I go after what I want in life!
Rejection is a good thing! Not a bad thing! For every no I’m closer to a yes!
Even if it goes nowhere, I made her feel good and I made her day.
Make a list of your own affirmations and read them with passion!
Visualisation works very well, when you have some quiet time, close your eyes and relax, now visualise yourself approaching girls and doing it well. Be as vivid and realistic as you can. Try to visualise the sights, sounds, feelings and everything else.
Do this every day for 10 minutes or so and you will feel less approach anxiety very quickly
Exposure therapy is gradually exposing yourself to the thing that’s causing you anxiety or fear. Some people prefer to go all in with a crash and burn mentality which I think works really well but others need to go through the baby steps.
Gradually expose yourself to approach anxiety, start off talking to the general public, the checkout girl, an old lady, then ask a man for the time or directions, then ask a girl you are not so attracted to the same thing, then a girl you are, then try to have a conversation with one, you get the idea. Make up a plan for yourself and gradually expose yourself to approach anxiety.
The first approach is always the hardest, it feels like you can’t approach girls at all but as soon as you plough through that first one it’s amazing how much your state changes. You want to keep approaching more and more. I see this state change with myself as well as others when we approach the first girl off the day.
Here are some exercises you can do with yourself or with a friend. I got these from the PUA community.
The 3 second rule was invented by the famous PUA Mystery. The 3 second rule is simple, when you see a girl you like, you talk to her within 3 seconds. This gives your brain no time to try to talk you out of it.
The money game. Give your friend some money, for example give him $100 in $10 notes, and go out to talk to girls. Every time you talk to a girl he gives you $10, if you can’t get through 10 that day he keeps whatever money you lost. If you talk to 10 you get your money back.
Set your own little games, tell yourself you will approach 1 girl today or 5 girls today and you won’t go home until you do, and when you do have a reward for yourself like playing a video game or eating chocolate or whatever you like. Or make a different game for yourself, this makes your progress faster and makes you have fun with this.
GETTING INTO STATE
Getting into state means you are in the most productive frame of mind to pick up girls cold.
This means that you’re energised, playful, confident, feeling tough and strong but at the same time relaxed and calm.
Here are some things that will get you into state,
Reading articles like this, reading your goals and your mission
Affirmations and visualisations
Some exposure therapy like talking to people in public or asking girls for the time
Listening to energising state boosting music
Dancing and jumping on the spot
Forcefully Yelling out, YA! YA! Huh!! Or something like that
There are many other ways to get into state, see what works best for you.
Rejection isn’t a bad thing; in fact, rejection is good, because it means you’re getting closer to a yes.
Every time you get a no you are getting closer and closer to a yes!
I have been “rejected” hundreds if not thousands of times but I have also slept with a lot more girls than the average man. Real players are getting rejected all the time. If you’re getting rejected you’re getting laid.
The reason I have put the word rejection in quotation marks is because you a never really getting rejected. Most of the time, a girl will politely reject you because she has a boyfriend, isn’t available, in a rush or having a bad day, seeing someone or a million other reasons but usually not based 100% on what you look like. Trust me.
Picking up women is just like sales, imagine you are a salesman for a company and you need to get new business. You pick up the phone and call hundreds of numbers and get lots of little rejections but then you get the sale, the reward and when you do it makes up for the rejections.
I don’t fear rejection, I don’t get upset by rejection, and in fact I love it now, because I know I’m getting closer to that sale. You need to develop this thick skin and mindset. It will help you in pickup, sales and in life. Just go through life with this rock solid frame and you will do well.
UNDERSTANDING THE NUMBERS GAME
I will write an entire article on how getting laid is a numbers game and the statistics involved because it’s so important and interesting to understand.
For now just know that picking up girls and getting laid is a numbers game, just like in sales. You won’t pick up every girl you talk to, no one can, I don’t care how attractive you are, even Brad Pitt or Zac Efron would get rejected.
Getting laid is a numbers game, getting rejected is part of the game.
DIET AND HYDRATION
When you are hungry and/or thirsty, you will be in a weaker state. Take note of how you feel before you attempt to overcome approach anxiety. You may need to eat or drink first. Don’t eat too much though or you will be so full you will be tired and just want to sit down. Hydration is important to, you will be getting nervous fighting approach anxiety and you will get thirsty quickly. Always have a water bottle in hand. This works well to keep your hands busy while you talk to girls instead of fidgeting them when you get nervous.
The above is ways to get into the right state naturally, however you can also alter your state chemically, this can help you a great deal but I don’t recommend it as a lifestyle.
You can use the below when you are starting off but not long term as you want your mind to build real confidence not chemically induced confidence.
Things I have used that you can experiment which while overcoming approach anxiety are.
Caffeine – Good for a boost when you’re feeling flat. But be careful because caffeine is known to elevate anxiety.
Alcohol – Go for a drink with your friends and you will see how much lower your approach anxiety is. Only 1 or 2 is enough though, don’t get blind drunk, this will make you worst and also it’s not good for you.
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/ (Tons of information on approach anxiety on this site, this site helped me on my journey)
There you have it guys, my complete guide to overcoming approach anxiety. I know it’s not easy but when you overcome approach anxiety your results with woman will increase dramatically.
I hope I have helped you. If you have any questions or comments please write in the comment section below and I will answer you as soon as I can. Thank you.